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La fin

I called it off with T the other evening. He sucks at communication and I finally got tired of it. Instead of telling me he didn’t want to talk he just didn’t say anything. I had even just made a move on him, and after a couple minutes had passed, I looked at our AIM box to discover he’d changed his status to “away.” I had a hunch, so I looked at his Twitter profile to find him happily chatting with people. My guess is that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk in general, he just didn’t want to talk to me. Fair enough, but at least have the fucking decency to tell me so. Talk about fucking rude.

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I HATE being ignored. I don’t mean I need someone’s attention all the time, but I like to be told when the person does not want to speak or play with me. Hell, even being told to fuck off is better than being ignored. OK, so I’d be concerned if they told me to fuck off, but I can work with that. I can’t work with silence. I really don’t think it’s too much to ask. I must say it doesn’t bother me that much, if at all, when my friends do it when I’m talking to them online. But if I’m cyber-fucking that person? It bothers me a lot. It’s one of those things that really gets under my skin and inflames my temper.

When I confronted him about it, I got “You get the good and the bad.” And when I tell him that he should consider changing I’m met with, “I am what I am.” Which says to me you’re too fucking lazy or indifferent to the feelings of others. It’s a complete and utter cop-out. As Wanton said when I told him, “Fuck that. Go be who you are somewhere else then.”

I’d felt him growing distant since our last spat. He was saying even less than usual and was fairly unreceptive to my moves on him. That other night was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Looking back, I should’ve called it quits after our disagreement concerning making our relationship just a tad bit more serious. It was the first big red flag concerning his bullshit. But I gave him a second chance based on what I knew about him.

My guess is that he hides behind the self-awareness and self-sabotages his relationships, and then turns around and is all “Woe is me, I’m seriously defective and I always screw things up.” So it’s never a surprise to him when he fucks things up. Being self-aware is beneficial when you’re looking to make changes, but it can also be used as a crutch or excuse. Why try to change when you know you’ll just fuck it up? It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. T has not cornered the market on self-pity. Not by a long shot. Why do I think this? Because I’ve been there myself. Since I’m no longer in that self-pitying stage, I was not about to deal with his self-pity. It’s the Eeyore Syndrome or, as it’s more commonly known, “being emo.”

It’s really a shame because I did like him. I just didn’t have the patience to try and get it through his thick skull how it’s important to communicate even the most basic stuff. It’s truly a no-brainer…common sense. He could be sweet but he was also often annoying. He was also a good fuck. But my patience doesn’t last forever. So, that’s that.

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